Now that I’m in my 30s and my health app has officially launched me into the 30–39 age group, I thought it was time I rewatched my beloved “Sex and the City” again.
In the first episode of season one, Carrie Bradshaw rekindles things with an ex (who has been resurrected a few times) and her best friend Stanford Blatch says “Are you out of your mind? What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Carrie replies, “Oh, calm down. It’s research,” after making a “date” for 3:00 p.m. to inspire her next column.
My own research boils down to what mistakes the characters are making with money, and how I can avoid them at all costs. By the time your 30s roll around, you are expected to have certain things figured out. But I’ve learned that this timeline can be restrictive—and, at times, misogynistic. Women have different reasons to spend money. As much as I would love to have a 3-in-1 shampoo instead of mixing three different ones to get my desired results, the majority of products marketed toward women are meant to only serve one purpose. This means we must buy more and more things to stay socially acceptable as we age. (I resent this fact, but the older I get the more I see it happening.)
When I started tracking my spending at the end of March, I was trying to figure out how I could be budgeting and still overspending. A lot of money went to my short-term goals, but there was still not enough room in my budget for what was needed. I got some new cleansers for my skin, trying to figure out my latest flare up. I was going more places and doing more things, which was good for my mental health but not my bank account. I still struggled to find balance and maintain my no-buy strategy for the year.
Later in season one, Carrie exclaims, “My new shoes shouldn’t be punished just because I can’t budget!” Once I saw the damage of March, I knew April could not be a repeat if I wanted to stay on track with my savings. When I broke my spending down by category (transportation, groceries, restaurants/coffee shops, clothing and pay later payments), I was able to see where the problems were. I managed to reduce the amount I spent on transportation by more than half in April. So far in May, I have been avoiding spending any money on transportation since I know that I have some activities planned for later in the month.
For my May 2024 budget, I am allotted $233 per week. My utilities have been steady with a mild start to spring, and I’m almost done with my monthly loan payments (as of publishing this, only three more to go!). So far, I have come in under budget, but I want to make sure I can keep this momentum going.
When I reflect on how hard it has been to both live my life and not buy things I don’t absolutely need, I think about how I used to spend all day at the mall when I was 12 years old and only spend around $20. Of course, this was the early 2000s, so everything was cheaper back then. The economy was good and even in my naive state I had some semblance of a community. The park, the public library and other places where you can be part of a community and not necessarily spend all your money are considered “third places” outside of home and work. The mall, a café, a bookstore and the gym are also on this list but have become places geared more toward spending money than interacting with others.
You could argue that tipping your barista gives back to the community, especially if you’re a regular at your coffee shop. But this still relies on spending money in order to build a community, instead of using the resources we already have to make connections with people.
Social media could also be considered a third place, but I’m not seeing much community there lately. If anything, social media has gone so far as to replace community with buying things in the way our outside world has monetized every interaction we have with others. In the same way, this transactional way of thinking can hinder us from getting together with others when there is no monetary incentive. Think of a friend charging you for having a home-cooked meal at their house even when they invited you over or sending you an invoice after hanging out in one of those public third places. Yikes!
Grace Nevitt, who gave me the idea for the no-buy year strategy, recently posted a YouTube video about how to discuss it with your loved ones. I never really ran into this issue since I announced it on the blog for everyone to see! But she cites the level of American consumerism and how ingrained it is in our society as part of why she thinks a no-buy year is important. If we can train ourselves to not feel the need to buy something just because it’s new, or because we feel like the world is doomed, maybe we can connect with each other in more meaningful ways than capitalism currently allows.
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